


Crowley's adventures in discorporation

by LilithReisender



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Crowley Being an Idiot (Good Omens), Crowley gets discorporated, Crowley loses his corporation, Crowley tries to get it back, Demons Are Assholes, Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Its a free for all in Hell, M/M, Mild Angst, another demon steals it, aziraphale - Freeform, crowley - Freeform, cursing, good omens - Freeform, ineffable husbands, like two sentences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:22:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21945796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilithReisender/pseuds/LilithReisender
Summary: Time flows differently in Hell. That was a basic fact that all demons (and new human souls) learn. What might have been twenty seconds on Earth could be more than twenty years in Hell, and no matter when you arrived you were always Too Late. This is to say, Crowley had absolutely no idea how long he had been stuck there filling out arbitrary forms, but he was quickly beginning to grow annoyed. There had been fifteen pages worth of signing papers that solely served to degrade him for doing something as stupid as getting discorporated and inconveniencing everyone else around him by having to go about and re-build his human body, and writing down every single alias he had for in the past six millennia. Finally, there was a page dedicated in its entirety to one question:Reason for discorporation (and why we should bother giving you a new body):
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	Crowley's adventures in discorporation

**Author's Note:**

> This one is for my amazing demonic "niece" Chris . I am so glad to have met you, and my life is better with you in it. Merry Christmas dear, I hope this makes you smile.

Well this was all bloody fantastic. 

Dagon was sitting at a desk across from him, a smug look on their face as they slid an outrageous amount of paperwork towards him. Crowley eyed the pile warily. 

"What's all this for?" 

"Discorporation paperwork." Dagon grinned, revealing a mouth full of too-sharp teeth. Crowley groaned. Great, just great, this was what he needed right now. Bloody paperwork. 

"Look, Dagon, how about we just-"

"Not so fast serpent." Dagon spat, "You may be some sort of holy-water proof hybrid, but clearly you're still demon enough that you ended up right back here with me. The way I see it," they laughed, "down here you're still under _my_ jurisdiction. So, paperwork. Get going, we have an eternity after all, thanks to you." 

Of course, Aziraphale had told him what had happened down here during their little masquerade- over their fourth bottle of wine after they were done at the Ritz. The way Aziraphale had made it out, it seemed like every demon in Hell was terrified of him now. But clearly the angel had been mistaken. Or Dagon was bluffing, he wouldn't put it past them. It's not like they were known for their honesty. Crowley would have laughed, had this not been such a severe situation. Trust Aziraphale to overdramatize something like this. Crowley sighed and picked up a pen, which immediately began to leak in his hand. He shook off the ink from his hand and began to inspect the first form. He took one look at it and groaned. Dagon was certainly Master of Torments and Lord of the Files for a reason.

This was going to take a while.

Time flows differently in Hell. That was a basic fact that all demons (and new human souls) learn. What might have been twenty seconds on Earth could be more than twenty years in Hell, and no matter when you arrived you were always Too Late. This is to say, Crowley had absolutely no idea how long he had been stuck there filling out arbitrary forms, but he was quickly beginning to grow annoyed. There had been fifteen pages worth of signing papers that solely served to degrade him for doing something as stupid as getting discorporated and inconveniencing everyone else around him by having to go about and re-build his human body, and writing down every single alias he had in the past six millennia. Finally, there was a page dedicated in its entirety to one question:

**Reason for discorporation (and why we should bother giving you a new body):**

Crowley pinched the bridge of his nose, how the fuck was he supposed to explain this one? It's not like he could just say that he was out buying a gift for an angel and that he had gotten distracted and forgotten to clear the road before crossing and had gotten hit by a car. That would just get him ridiculed by the entirety of Hell, and the demon who is immune to holy water can't just go around getting discorporated that easily. He had to think up a worthy excuse. Suddenly, an idea struck him, and Crowley smirked. He picked up the leaky pen and began to write.

_The angel swung at me with her sword and I ducked, laughing in her face._

_"You'll have to do better than that!" I yelled as I kicked her legs out from underneath her, sending her crashing to the ground. The angel glared at me in rage and pointed her sword at me, sending a beam of holy light crashing straight into me._

_"You may be immune to holy water, but nobody is immune to_ that." _She sneered. Then my vision went black and I woke up in Hell._

Crowley had written the better part of five pages explaining a severely over-dramatized fight with some minor angel who had decided to punish him as Hell could not for the whole averting the apocalypse thing. He shoved the paperwork to Dagon, who looked delighted and displeased at the same time. 

"Done so quickly?" They asked, flipping through the stack of papers. "Oh! Discorporated by an angel! Did things get tetchy with your little boyfriend?"

"Is my corporation done with yet?" Crowley replied, eager to leave and not come back. Dagon gave him a smug smile. 

"Oh, it's been done for a while now, but who knows if its still there. You know how Corporations Department can be." Crowley _did_ know how Corporations Department could be. They would fix up the body sure, but as soon as it was repaired, it was basically a free for all. First come, first serve. "Have a good time!" Dagon called out after him as he ran out the door.

"Go fuck yourself!" Crowley shouted back. They had never had the greatest relationship.

Crowley opened the squeaky door to Corporations, staring at the line of bodies sitting in glass and metal display cases. There was _supposed_ to be an imp at the desk at all times, but the little bugger had gone and left a note: _Gone because I hate this. Be back whenever._ Crowley inspected the line of bodies, looking for his familiar face. What he saw instead was an open case with a yellow tag that said _Crawley- express order._

Fuck.

Of course someone had gotten there before he had. If it hadn't been for Dagon and their bloody paperwork than _maybe_ he could have gotten there in time. But nope, that hadn't happened. Crowley hissed in annoyance. He _liked_ his corporation, he had since the beginning, and he certainly wasn't going to let some random demon walk around on Earth in _his_ body. But first thing first, he had to get a new corporation that he could use. He inspected the options in front of him. There was the tall bloke who Crowley supposed would work fine in the right outfit, but that one looked like it belonged to an overgrown child. There was the blond man who looked something like that one Benedict Cumberbatch fellow (Crowley had been responsible for creating the running joke that nobody could spell his name) but that didn't seem right either. He paused at the tall woman with long brown hair and high cheekbones, but moved past that one also. Eventually he found one that he liked. It was smaller than his previous corporation by a fair bit, with sharply angled features he had olive-brown skin and jet black hair. This one would do for now. He grabbed the body's shoulder and closed his eyes, willing himself to shift. He opened his new eyes and stepped out of the case. 

This was... different. He had been in the same corporation for six thousand years, he didn't think about the fact that a different body might feel different from his last one. It moved differently, less saunter and more swagger. Shorter steps but with a more confident posture. He looked down at his current body and yep- he was naked. Crowley snapped his fingers and was suddenly wearing a button-up black shirt with the collar undone at the top, black trousers, and snakeskin shoes. This would have to do for now. 

Making his way out of Hell was easier than he had thought it would be. He supposed that the demons had decided that it was best to pretend that he just didn't exist, and so they gave him no trouble as he took the main exit up to London. He decided to walk back to his flat in Mayfair, it wasn't all that far. Besides, he wanted to get a better feel for how this new body worked. It was slightly easier to control a body with shorter limbs, Crowley noticed. But he still wanted his old one back. He followed the familiar streets back to his flat, and was there rather quickly all things considered. He took the elevator upstairs and had his hand on the doorknob when someone yelled at him from behind.

"I wouldn't recommend doing that. Mr. Crowley doesn't like visitors other than that one blond bloke." It was a neighbor of his who lived a floor below. He had never gotten around to getting the man's name. Crowley was confused for a minute, they had met before after all. Then he remembered: humans relied on sight to recognize people. No other humans on Earth would recognize him as _him_ while he was in this body.

"I'm a friend, he's expecting me." Crowley said to the man, stepping into the flat and closing the door quickly behind him. His mind was racing at a million miles an hour. Nobody on Earth recognized him, it was almost freeing. He could go anywhere and do whatever he wanted without having to manage his well-earned reputation. But nobody on Earth recognized him, which mean he had lost all of his contacts. He _really_ needed to get his body back. 

Crowley paced his flat, trying to think of what to do next. He grabbed a plant mister off the table and went into the room with his plants. It was his own bloody corporation for Sa- for somebody's sake! He should be able to find it fairly easily. A small plant in the corner of the room caught its eye. There were no spots, yet, but it was slouching. Crowley hissed and the plant stood up straight, flushing a new shade of green. At least _they_ still knew who he was.

Right, first thing's first, he needed to find out exactly which demon had taken his body. He momentarily considered calling Dagon, but Corporations was one of the few areas in Hell where they _didn't_ have their scaly fingers all over the paperwork, so that was out. Besides, knowing them, they wouldn't answer anyways. However... there was still technically a demon who worked in Corporations. That bloody imp who was never there. If Crowley could get ahold of him then maybe... Crowley picked up his old answerphone and dialed an unnecessarily complicated extension number to Corporations. 

"What do you want?" A high voice growled through what sounded like an old radio. 

"I just need to double check on who took a body earlier today." Crowley said. If he could just do this quickly he could be on his way. 

"What? Do you think I run the paperwork?" The imp said impatiently.

"You're supposed to. Look," Crowley said, dropping his voice. It seemed like now was the time to play up the reputation that Aziraphale had given him in hell. "this is the demon Crowley." The line was silent. " _Somebody,_ took my corporation, and I happen to rather like that one. So, tell me who took it, or I'll go down there myself and show you _exactly_ what other tricks I can do with holy water." _That should do it,_ Crowley thought. 

"Yes, yes Mr. Crowley, right away." Crowley heard distant shuffling and terrified squeaks at the other end of the call. _Still had it._ At last, the imp came back. "It seems like that body was taken by Gaap. I'm pretty sure I remember him saying he was going up to England. Bye." The line went dead. 

This just kept getting worse and worse.

Gaap. Of course it had to be him. They had run into each other a few times over the past millennia, and Crowley knew _exactly_ how powerful he was. Gaap amplified emotions, love and hatred were his specialty, but he could certainly do a number on the others. Crowley's first step had to be finding out as much as he could about the demon. He had visited Earth before for some of the more intense temptations. Helen of Troy had been one of his works, and so had Menelaus's reaction. He wanted to call Aziraphale, he was sure that the angel had at least _one_ book on demons in that shop of his, but it wasn't worth doing that yet. Besides, he still had a few days yet before the angel began to truly worry about him. They had a standing relationship, and Aziraphale knew that sometimes Crowley had to go away to settle some things. Lately "some things" had consisted of sneaking around looking at cottages, but the point still stood: Crowley had time. Crowley shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. He had every news station available in Great Britain playing through one device or another. He had expected to hear something about a new war starting over a twitter feud, or a sharp rise in crimes of passion. What he _hadn't_ expected however was a lesbian pop star being greeted with roses from every single member of the audience at one of her concerts. It was exactly the type of grand display of power that he was looking for. 

Crowley had been hoping to make it to the stage where the show was and catch his body there, but unfortunately for him there was a massive accident that left the road blocked. Bless it! He supposed he would have to figure out another way.

It was generally frowned upon for demons to go around summoning each other, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Luckily for Crowley, it didn't need to be as difficult as humans made it out to be. All Crowley really had to do was write the demon's name inside a chalk circle and then talk to him.

"Gaap, you arse. Get over here now! I need to have a word with you." At first there was nothing, and then with a gust of wind Crowley was staring at a face he had known for six millennia.

"Crowley!" Gaap exclaimed, widening his arms in greeting. "Great to see you, but what the hell man? I was in the middle of something." It was... odd to see the body that Crowley had gotten so used to calling his own moving and acting differently. The most noticeable thing was his eyes. Instead of Crowley's familiar serpent eyes, Gaap had the bright blue eyes of a goat.

"You can get back to your... work, in a minute. You took my corporation. I want it back. I've got this one right here, hardly used at all. How about we trade and get back to living our own lives?" Crowley offered.

"No." 

Crowley blinked. "What?"

"I said no. I've gotta say, I see why you like this body so much, its nice. I don't think I'm done with it yet."

"Shall I remind you about what exactly I can do?" Crowley threatened.

"Immune to holy water, not quite a demon anymore, that whole deal. Look, you may be some sort of holy demon, but you aren't an angel, that's for sure. Your little power play doesn't work on me. Speaking of angels, how's yours doing?" Gaap cocked his head to one side and crossed his arms, waving his fingers in a _go on,_ gesture. 

"He's well." Crowley answered automatically. "We're actually looking at places down south right now." Crowley's chest felt warm and light. They had almost settled on a cottage, but were still working out the details. "We've been doing good together." Crowley so badly wished he were sitting in the bookshop with Aziraphale right now rather than talking with this dem-

"Don't use that enhancement shit on me!"

"Can't help it." Gaap laughed. "A creature of Hell that's head-over-heels enamored with an angel, a literal divine being? So many emotions, so many things I could swing both ways. I could make you hate him if I wanted, or I could make you so desperate for him you won't be able to let him out of your sight for a minute. Reduce you to nothing but a paranoid pet."

"Fuck off!" 

Gaap winked at Crowley and then he was gone.

Right. Well that had gone swimmingly.

Crowley spent the next few days tracking Gaap around London. Now that Crowley had found him once, the demon was ridiculously easy to track. All Crowley had to do was follow the trail of arguments and twitter wars. He very badly wanted to go back to Aziraphale, he knew that the angel was worried by now. He had left messages on both of Crowley's phones, and Crowley had listened to them, but he hadn't answered yet. He couldn't risk going back or letting Aziraphale know where he was. Gaap had seemed a little bit too interested in the angel for Crowley's liking, and Crowley didn't want to do anything that would lead him back to Aziraphale. A demon whose powers were amplifying love and hatred against a literal being of love (and former soldier)? Crowley didn't want to see how that fight would go. If Gaap had thought that _Crowley_ had a lot of emotions, the demon would have a field day with Aziraphale. 

Crowley needed to get his body back and get this demon off of Earth. Quickly.

Crowley scoured the internet for ways to get rid of demons. Crowley knew all the ways to _keep_ people from banishing him, but not how to do the act of banishing itself. It was... odd, the things that humans thought up. Why on earth did they think that spitting water all over a house or using plastic Ouija boards bought from a grocery store would banish a demon? And then there were the less pleasant ways. There were dark forums where people claimed that they had trapped demons forever in circles of blood, binding them as slaves. Crowley knew for sure that particular blog was fake. Hell would know if one of them got captured. There would be paperwork. He tried calling that Shadwell bloke, asking if he could keep an eye out for a man who looked exactly like him, but the man had grumbled something along the lines of _"won't do anym're work for the devil!"_ and then hung up, so that option was out. Crowley would have thought that the man would have figured out by now that Crowley just wanted the bloody job done. But Shadwell had never been renowned for his intelligence. His next attempt was to try and call Madame Tracy, the woman who sometimes picked up when he called Shadwell. She claimed that she could summon spirits, and she had hosted Aziraphale for a while, so Crowley thought that maybe there was _something_ real about her, but unfortunately she said that she was retired and that she had never been that good at summoning spirits in the first place. He briefly considered calling that witchy book girl- Anathema! That was her name! But he doubted that she would do him any favors after he had hit her with his car and accidentally stolen her book. So that meant he had to do this on his own. 

Crowley's first attempt was certainly interesting, but not successful in the least. He had racked his brain for hours about how he could get the demon to leave Earth without destroying his body. He had come up with exactly one solution. There was a big wedding between two celebrities in a church, it was exactly the type of situation Gaap would be drawn to: drama and already amplified emotions. He knew that the demon wouldn't be able to resist it. Crowley had bribed the priest with no small amount of money to bless Gaap with the very specific words: _"May the lord cast out all evils."_ Crowley had sat on a bus bench across the street and watched as the wedding procession took place. The ceremony was expected to go on for at least an hour, but twenty minutes later Crowley heard a scream from inside the church and watched the groom run out hand-in-hand with who appeared to be his best man and duck into a taxi. The bride came running out moments later, mascara streaming down her face as she stared at the car as it turned a corner and disappeared. A moment later a crowd of women in beautiful dresses filed onto the sidewalk and began to hug the sobbing bride, following closely behind them was a red-haired man in a perfectly tailored suit. Gaap turned to face him and put one finger to his lips, a smug smirk on his stolen face, and then he was gone. 

The next attempt went about as well as the first. He tried to arrange it so that a car would run a red and hit him while he was walking. Crowley figured that if the body was damaged, this time it would be Gaap out of commission while it was being repaired, and Crowley could grab it while Gaap was under Dagon's torture of files. But it seemed that every car he moved, every accident he arranged, Gaap all seemed to fly through unscathed. At one point Crowley decided to cut down the power grid for half the city just to see if he could even _annoy_ the bloody demon. Failed again. He arranged hundreds of accidents that could incapacitate the demon, but none of them worked. Crowley was growing more and more desperate with every attempt gone wrong. It had been weeks at this point, Aziraphale had been leaving messages frequently, at least one per day. Guilt raked at Crowley's chest as he listened to them over and over. It seemed as if Gaap hadn't made his way to Aziraphale yet, but he doubted that would last much longer. It was impossible not to feel the angel's presence once you got anywhere near the bookshop. It was only a matter of time before Gaap figured it out, and who knew what would happen at that point?

There was one thing left for him to do. It was stupid, and it was dangerous, for everyone involved, but it seemed like there was only one way to do get rid of Gaap for good: an exorcism. Not one of the ones that the humans made up, although those were based on the real thing. An angelic exorcism. Where an angel would physically bless the body that a demon was inhabiting and either expel them back to Hell or smite them where they stood. He would have to ask Aziraphale to bless his corporation and then Crowley would have to literally condemn it. He didn't like the idea, but it was the only one he had left. 

Crowley stood in front of Aziraphale's bookshop, one hand on the doorknob. It was closed (as usual) but that had never applied to Crowley. If this didn't work... Crowley couldn't think about that. He turned the doorknob and stepped into the shop.

"Aziraphale?" Crowley called out as he looked around the familiar space. "Angel." 

"Crowley?" A familiar voice asked. Aziraphale stepped out from behind a bookshelf. "Is that you?"

"It's me." Crowley took off his glasses, showing Aziraphale his eyes as proof. Aziraphale ran forward and attacked him with a hug. The angel let go of him just as fast as he had came, smacking him in the shoulder with no real malice. 

"Where were you? I have been worried sick. You disappear for weeks, don't answer any calls, don't even bother to show up until now, and suddenly you're wearing a new body." Crowley ran his fingers through his hair nervously. This body was shorter than Aziraphale's which meant he had to look up to see the angel. 

"About that... I got discorporated. On accident." 

"Well its hardly the first time that's happened." Aziraphale chided, "But why are you in a different body, although granted it does fit you quite well, you've always had the same one as far as I'm aware."

"It got stolen." 

Crowley sat down with Aziraphale on the couch and told him everything that had happened the past few weeks, leaving out selective details like how oddly interested Gaap had seemed in Aziraphale, and told the angel his current plan.

"You want me to preform an _exorcism?_ " Aziraphale asked, sounding shocked. "On _your_ corporation?" Crowley nodded. "I _can_ do it, technically speaking, but I'm not sure how it will work. I don't know if you'll be able to properly inhabit your body once I've done it."

"I'll condemn it afterwards." Crowley confirmed, leaning into Aziraphale's side. He had missed this. "I'd ask you to do it, but I don't think you _can_ properly condemn anything." 

"I will certainly do everything in my power, if this demon is as dangerous as you claim he is." Crowley turned Aziraphale's head towards him and kissed him and oh, _that_ was different. Not bad, not bad at all, but certainly different.

"Thanks, Aziraphale." 

"You're welcome, my dear." Aziraphale leaned down and kissed him again, wrapping one hand around the back of Crowley's neck.

"Missed me, angel?" Crowley teased.

"Desperately." 

Crowley pulled the angel down to him, and they didn't talk much after that. It seemed like this new body was a bit different in more ways than one. 

The next day they got everything together and prepared for what had to be a summoning and exorcising circle. The one that Aziraphale had underneath his rug (Crowley decided not to ask about that) worked well enough for what they needed to do. Crowley wrote the demon's name in the middle of the circle and went to speak to him before Aziraphale pulled him back. 

"Are you certain you want to do this Crowley?" Aziraphale asked him, a worried look on his face. "If this doesn't work, if this goes wrong-" Crowley squeezed his shoulder. 

"Can't have someone else running around with my face and taking away all my credit." Crowley joked, "Yes, I'm sure." Crowley turned and faced the circle.

"Gaap? You listening? I've got a surprise for you?"

"What is it now?" Gaap groaned, suddenly appearing in front of him with no warning. "I swear, if you're trying to convince me to trade again, I'm just going to sit here and- oh!" Gaap looked around Crowley at Aziraphale. "Hello there little angel."

"You were right Crowley, it is certainly rather unsettling to see that body without you in it." 

"Why? Do you like this one? Do you prefer your beloved demon in a different form?"

"I have never cared what form he took," Aziraphale looked horribly offended, "and I would appreciate that you not insinuate I care about him for something as superficial as a corporation."

Gaap raised his hands in surrender. "If you insist." Aziraphale glared at the demon in a way that Crowley had ever only seen reserved for the most heinous customers who tried to buy his books. The demon only smiled. "Interesting." 

Crowley nudged Aziraphale, trying to get them back on track. He couldn't let things get out of hand. 

"Right er- _Infernal creature from the bowels of hell, thy reign of corruption and sin is done on this earth, in the name of-_ "

"What evils exactly have I done? I made some people give a singer some flowers and started a few arguments on twitter. Nothing the human's don't already do themselves." Gaap interrupted. Aziraphale faltered, looking at Crowley. 

"You, shut up. Angel, keep talking."

"Ooh, nicknames, how cute. Tell me Aziraphale, how long did he call you that before you realized what he was really saying. How long did you leave him in a state of unknowing torture?" White hot anger flashed in Crowley's chest. Gaap did _not_ get to use that against them.

"Listen here-"

"And you, _Crowley_ , how long, exactly, did you spend pathetically longing for him? It was at least a few millennia, that's for sure. I picked it up a bit when we saw each other back in 78BC, but I had absolutely _no idea_ that you had the hots for a literal angel." Gaap laughed.

"Shut. Up." Crowley hissed

"Why? I'm not saying anything that isn't true and you know it."

"I have half a mind to grab the nearest cup of holy water and throw it on you just to see that smirk melt off your face."

"Oh, and you just have that lying around? Get some better threats."

"Aziraphale, keep talking!" 

" _in the name of God and Her light, I hereby ble-"_

"What has She ever done for you?" Gaap asked, pushing to the edge of the circle closest to Aziraphale. "Why do you invoke her name when you know full well that She won't answer you? It'd be better if you just joined the rest of us downstairs. At least our managers listen to us sometimes rather than flying by on blind faith."

"I will have you know," Aziraphale said, "that She made me as a creature of _love_. I love Her and all of her creations."

"Even demons?" Gaap winked at Aziraphale, and Crowley glared at the demon. "Alright I'll back off on that one. "

"Aziraphale, finish the exorcism!" 

"When did you first realize that you had fallen in love with a _demon_?" Gaap asked. Aziraphale froze. "There had to have been a certain thing that made you realize it. I thought _Crowley's_ emotions were strong, but yours are even more amplified than his. So, how long were you in love with him before either of you acted on it? How long did you two go about torturing each other about what you should or shouldn't feel?"

"I... I don't know." Aziraphale admitted. Crowley turned to him. "I... I realized it at the church, with the books. But it... that wasn't the first time I..."

"Eden." Crowley admitted. Aziraphale's eyes went wide. 

"That long? Wow you guys are idiots." Gaap interrupted. "Look, how about we let this whole thing go and you guys can go off someplace warm for a honeymoon or something?"

Crowley had to admit, the idea sounded nice. Leave it all behind for a little while and enjoy the warmth and the sunlight. They could leave now and go to Italy maybe, see Venice before it sunk, visit some of the places they had stayed back in the old days. It would be fun to see what the humans had made of some of the things they had found from back then. Crowley could argue with tour guides in Rome and Aziraphale could see if he could get his hands on some rare books while they were down there, and the angel's eyes would light up when Crowley offered to-

Crowley shook his head, realizing all too late what was happening. Gaap had found his weak spot and used it against him, and Crowley had taken the bait, hook and sinker. He could only imagine what he was doing to Aziraphale. The angel stared blankly at him, not processing anything that was going on in front of him. He shook Aziraphale's shoulders.

"Wake up! It's not real, whatever he's got you under, it isn't real." 

"I'm sorry my dear," Aziraphale said softly, "I was so terribly cruel to you all those years."

"Aziraphale, we can talk about this later but I need you to come back here and finish it!" Slowly, Aziraphale's eyes came back into focus, holding Crowley's gaze. The angle turned back to Gaap, who was looking at them as if they were his favorite TV show."

" _in the name of God and Her light, I hereby bless this body, purifying it from the creature of Hell who inhabits it."_ The smirk got wiped off of Gaap's face as a white light began to shine from his eyes, nose, and mouth. 

"Oh, fuck you!" The demon snarled. His eyes rolled up into his head and the body collapsed onto the ground.

"My turn." Crowley muttered a condemnation underneath his breath. He went to shift back into his preffered body, but Aziraphale stopped him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Crowley, do be careful. If you even suspect for a minute that it's still blessed, promise me you'll come back to this other corporation."

"Angel, with all the things you said to me last night, I'm fairly certain I'm immune to blessings at this rate." Aziraphale flushed pink. "But I'll be careful. I have no intention of going back to Hell anytime soon." 

Crowley touched the hand of the body lying on the floor and closed his eyes. When he opened them again he was lying down on the hard wood. He waited for a moment, checking to see if there was any burning. When there was nothing, he stood up and smiled at Aziraphale. 

"I think we're alright." Aziraphale surged forward and hugged him in a tight embrace. He pulled away after a moment, looking at the discarded corporation on the floor. Crowley snapped his fingers and then it was gone. It would turn up in Hell back on its hangar with a note saying that he was done test-driving it, and that he liked the original model better.

He turned back to Aziraphale and kissed him. It was more than nice to be back in his own body again. 

"I am sorry you know, for waiting so long. Had I been braver, had I been able to see Heaven's deceptions for what they really were I would have..." Aziraphale trailed off. It looked like Gaap had struck a nerve. 

"Aziraphale, we've talked about this. I understand. I have _always_ understood. You don't need to apologise for being good at your job." He kissed Aziraphale's forehead, taking advantage of his newly-returned height.

"Gaap did have one good point. I don't know about you, but I could certainly use a vacation after all of this mess." 

"I certainly agree."

"You know, I have a place picked out down south, would care to join me?"

Aziraphale beamed at him. "Dearest, nothing would delight me more."

**Author's Note:**

> 1) Gaap is said to be a prince of demons who is half goat and can incite the extremes of love and hate. 
> 
> 2) This was the result of Chris's request for "Crowley gets discorporated, and its basically a free for all in Hell and another demon snatches Crowley's body before he can get it back."


End file.
